And I definitely fit the definition of a “cool chick” – and my guy friends will confirm:-).” Unfortunately, the pool of men that I’m dating from (early to mid 40s, usually divorced) are pretty messed up.A number of them want younger women (never mind that I look much younger) – didn’t anyone tell these guys that women hit their sexual prime over 40:-)?

I’ve tried all the big dating websites and I go out a lot (that is another weird phenomenon – men my age sit home on the weekends and don’t go out and do anything so I never meet anyone by just going out and having fun).

So Evan where can I find the emotionally available mentally healthy men who will appreciate a woman like me? Joan A very honest letter, Joan, which is particularly timely, given yesterday’s thematically similar posting. Now, by your estimation, there are no men out there who are either a) interested or b) qualified for a long-term relationship. And let’s delve into the assertion that “being a pretty, happy, vivacious ‘cool chick’ is a big negative strike against you. What is true is that your options are unfairly limited.

Reasons include insecurities that come both with past relationship experiences and aging.

Getting naked with someone new isn't taken as lightly as it might have been when we were young and untainted. Ask anyone over the age of 40 and divorced with kids why they are dating, and he or she will probably answer "companionship," "friendship," "fun" or "something to do." That's why I think it's funny that I can't count the number of divorced men and women who say they unexpectedly met "the one" and that they felt the same intense excitement and passion (maybe even a stronger connection) than they had in the past.

Another big difference in dating as a middle-aged person versus as a youngster is physical intimacy.

It isn't uncommon for men and women to initially have anxiety about sleeping with someone new after a divorce.And the main reasons it goes down are because he wants to have kids or because he’s still a slave to the Maxim aesthetic.One reason that women rarely want to consider (and I’m not necessarily applying this to you, Joan), is that with their experience comes a darker lining.It would be impossible to count the number of articles I read in Cosmo and Glamour when I was in my 20s on the subject of dating and relationships."Twenty Ways To Get a Man To Fall in Love With You." "Six Mistakes Women Make on First Dates." "Seventeen Reasons Women Are Still Single After 30." All good examples of the pieces I thought might help me meet and marry the man of my dreams.While I cannot determine if the articles (and quizzes, of course) directly played a role, I did get married, and the nightmare of having to navigate the dating scene was over. Divorced at 41 and thrown back into the pack of wolves, I felt like I had outgrown articles like, "10 Secrets That Will Drive Your Guy Crazy In Bed." What I really wanted to know was whether dating as a middle-aged woman would be even remotely similar to what it was 20 years prior? Nowadays, when you are dating someone, forget talking on the phone.Another date, who didn’t feel chemistry with me but we became friends, I’ve watched him fall for all the women who don’t want to give him the time of day.